They say misery loves company..

        I actually thought that this week couldn't possibly get any worse, but when you think like that why is it that more then 99.9% of the time it does. Hey it could be worse? That's the question you always ask your self when things just go BOOM in front of you. Friday was perfect, everything running the way I like it - just fine. Then slowly as the week progresses it has just got gradually worse.
        I knew that Saturday when I fell out with Yazz ( the best friend )when we were both completely wankered in all senses of the word. Who knew that we could drink such copious amounts of alcohol and nearly destroy our friendship on both parts? Its not easy to forgive an uncalled slap (Thanks yazz much appreciated haha) or on my part accusations. Now not truly knowing completely what the other one of us is thinking - trying to pick up the pieces. I know we will in time, cause we always do. We won't simply throw it away because it has a dent in or is slightly broken. No, we will work and allow time to be the healer.
        Same can't be said for the guy that was in my life, I lost him due to the stupidity of alcohol. I mean yeah I liked him, I liked the way he motivated me into doing things, the same way Yazz has that effect on me. I liked the way I could have the closeness of a relationship without the commitment, the way I had someone else to believe in me other then my best friend. And that's the way I wanted it to stay but alcohol knows no boundaries, no fears and no feelings. It goes where no other twat would. Turns you into a attention seeking drama queen, a person you never aspire to be.
        So I spent my last day just you know chilling, relaxing cause I knew I needed to spend some time just you know doing nothing and worrying about nothing before I head back to work. So on yet another day sober me, Marion (an innocent but naughty french girl I work with) and Yazmina headed down to the beach to watch the sunset, of course Fred tagged along this time :). It was lovely you know just actually sat there at sunset when a majority of the people had gone home. I could hear the waves, see the sea almost completely calm after no doubt another hectic day and smell that gorgeous sea air.
      When we finally decided to head back, we all agreed on visiting the pub that I and Marion both work. As you know I'm determined to stop this drinking nonsense, so I done the sensible thing and ordered my self an orange & passion fruit J20. YUMMY! However my yumminess and joy was short lived when I overhead my manager discussing giving  a co-worker a supervisor role that quite frankly shocked me. Anyone who knows me will know I work my arse off at my job. I thought if anyone would have been offered it next it would have to be me. 9 times out of 10 I will always cover. I done feedback cards the company insisted we handed out - which I did and everybody else failed to do. I know the ins and outs of the place.
     So naturally I wasn't going to be quiet the big mouth I am nope. Of course not, I don't let things lie and just niggle at my brain. Things are better said to someones face, rather then to their back. I simply confronted my manager. I kinda exaggerated a tad - I left in fear of making a scene (I don't like drawing unwanted attention to my self sober) and confronted him via text.
     He basically said that they had been asking for it - and to be honest I think I may have lost all last respect I had for the human race. THANK THE LORD FOR FRED. I mean what happened to working your arse of like I do? Even suffering with the biggest headache because of drinking. Nope apparently begging and arse licking is the way forward if you'd like a promotion. Some of you should try it see how you get on. I suppose if I look at this optimistically I could think ahh well this is gonna be easy. No more having to do everyone's cover, oh look and I can just laze around and let other people do the hard work. But I do not want and will not do that.
      I feel completely knocked down but I know I will get back up and brush it off eventually. Ranting on here helps you know. Must say though I feel sorry for the poor sod that reads it ha.
      Anyways maybe I should leave it there. Tomorrow is another day, it will get better again. It always does. Although no doubt working with my manager tomorrow is gonna be both painful and awkward, I'd ring up sick, but would will I hell let any bastard show that they've got me down. Peace out. xx

Fun, sun and nature.

       Well yesterday started of relatively easy. I literally woke up had some cereal and a coffee. Obviously with Fred by my side. At first people were abit skeptical of what I was trying to achieve here with Fred, but my best friend Yazminge understands and after alot of convincing so is her mum Julie.
       I haven't been home since Monday afternoon, I needed a break and some much needed time with Yazz. Bless her, she woke up before me and found me cuddling Fred. (Picture below).
     And as most of you know for the first time in like 5 years, we are actually getting a decent summer - about freakin' time! So, naturally me, Yazz and Fred hit the garden for our dose of vitimin D :). A majority of the day was spent chilling, with random snapchats of Fred and his sunburn! I can honestly say, that most people were amused by these. I love creating random pictures with him :) takes my mind of things and trust me that is not a bad thing with me, I overthink and over analyse almost every thought that comes into my head.
         I used to suffer from an anxiety disorder, panic attacks are a massive enemy of mine. Weird thing is I spent ages not drinking cause hangovers used to intensify my anxiety and thoughts. Then drinking more gradually made my panic attacks almost non- exsistent.
         By about five o'clock I found myself having to many thoughts and focusing to much on them. I was wondering what ifs, what if I never done this, what if I never done that? Imagine having these thoughts, but 100x more then you would think about them. I knew that if I didnt stop thinking that I would build up the anxiousness inside me and have a full blown panic attack.
        I couldn't do much with Fred as he was wet and on the washing line - I took him for a swim earlier in the day.  So I did what I like to do best to stop me from thinking - read. I read a majority of a newspaper on my phone , then tried to read a book on feng shui. Which gave me another idea, I shut my self in the conservatory and I tried a variety of yoga and mediation techniques. All the while I could hear the birds singing,  bees still buzzing and I can honestly say that it was the best thing I could of done.
        Me and yazz decided to go for a stroll with out Fred as he was still hanging on the line. Poor Fred. We walked along the beach and just listened to the waves just gently crashing. I love the smell of sea air, I would actually live right on the beach if I could.
        On the way back would you believe we bumped into a man down a rough street, he tried to offer us a bottle of wine. Wasn't even full. I mean urm, seriously? What was he thinking we would just be like yes dude why the hell not? So, being the hypochondriacs we are, we ran as fast as we could. That is the first time I've rejected alcohol since I've made my decision to give it up all together. But let's face it, wasn't exactly a decision that was hard to make, I mean what actual weirdo would accept a half drunk unsealed bottle of wine from a stranger in a street?
         Back to work for a 12 hour shift tomorrow - surrounded by drink, drunks and temptation.
          I know I can do this, especially with little Freddie by my side.

P.S: Add me on instagram Bumbleflea :)

Everyone seems to be moaning about the hot weather we are receiving, yet do nothing but moan before that we are not getting any? Yazminges Grandad told me today, that this weather is what it would be like to be halfway towards heaven. I think this image captures that perfectly, if you look at the bottom cloud you can see a Phoenix :)