Work, work, work? :)

        Hey guys! :)
            Today has actually been totally amazing. Well in comparison with the last few at least! Everyone at work is finally beginning to warm the concept of me and Fred the teetotal ted. I am becoming attached to him more then ever and he has barely left my side today! He or should I say the idea and the comfort of him is actually helping so much. Oh and did I mention I've lost a total of 5lbs, just another 8 to go and i'll be at my ideal weight :)
          As you know I honestly thought that today would be slightly awkward between me and my manager, after the heated discussion yesterday, but he acted as if nothing happened. I wasn't as friendly as I normally am towards him, but we managed to get on without a hitch. I've also decided that maybe its time for a change - a new work place maybe? Who knows. I'm seriously attached to the place I work though, I love the atmosphere, our punters and my co-workers are literally like having a family away from home.
        For the first time in forever, I let loose at work. Well I do anyways, but I let out my inner child, after all jobs we're finished that I needed to do. I.E: Clean cause most other fuckers can not be asked to do it. I was slightly immature, actually greatly immature, with these two guys who have been coming into the pub for the last two weeks and  at first were quite frankly are annoying. Annoying anyway until I joined in the fun and games and had a laugh back. At one point I was nearly on the floor, giggling like a small child. I actually think everyone stood at the bar was laughing with me, its nice to know when you smile, they do etc. It's such a confidence boost! There was actually no stopping me, well there was when I tried to chuck an orange wedge at one of the guys and hit a completely random customer. Opps, luckily he saw the funny side too.
     I can't believe these guys that I found so irritating, actually have made me smile like I have after such a bad week. When they do eventually go back home to Portugal I will actually miss their company, as much as it hurts for me to say that!
      I've also been in contact with a guy we haven't spoke in a good couple of months. Mainly because I literally fell for every word he said to me and it turned out to be a bunch of what I can only call - experienced lies. Oh and did I mention he has a GIRLFRIEND the whole time I was seeing him? He's name is Connor AKA tosspot. Anyways, he was true to his word you know he finished his girlfriend, but not for the reasons he claimed. Tosspot finished her to open up more doors of opportunity, or should I say women's legs? Tosspot had, fed not just me but at least another TWO girls, these lies. I mean seriously guys, think before you lie to women. We are not stupid, we will ALWAYS find out the truth. One way or another.
     Tosspot has been bombarding me with texts and calls. All with how much he misses me, that he wants me to move to Scotland to be with him. Most of my replies are about Fred the Ted, he thinks I'm slightly deluded and needs help. I like the way this is actually agitating him - I will continue to use Fred and pictures of him to wind him up. Till he eventually gets the hint and gives up. A couple months ago I wouldn't have thought i'd be able to say no to this womaniser but I've come to realise I was in love with the words he fed me, not with him. I'm a young woman, I will find my way eventually I will be no mug for an idiot like that or no other. I don't want to be tied down at such a young age - not unless I unexpectedly fall in love, then who knows? But for now I wanna just enjoy life, live a little and have fun.

                                                         
       Fred trying to convince one of our locals not to finish his drink and join us on our teetotal mission. Safe to say it didn't work, but we will get him in the end. I will put the bar out of business in the minute!

Fred using the glass tray as a climbing frame.

                             
                                   Me and Fred - skiving at work - trying to catch a bit of sun :)
       

They say misery loves company..

        I actually thought that this week couldn't possibly get any worse, but when you think like that why is it that more then 99.9% of the time it does. Hey it could be worse? That's the question you always ask your self when things just go BOOM in front of you. Friday was perfect, everything running the way I like it - just fine. Then slowly as the week progresses it has just got gradually worse.
        I knew that Saturday when I fell out with Yazz ( the best friend )when we were both completely wankered in all senses of the word. Who knew that we could drink such copious amounts of alcohol and nearly destroy our friendship on both parts? Its not easy to forgive an uncalled slap (Thanks yazz much appreciated haha) or on my part accusations. Now not truly knowing completely what the other one of us is thinking - trying to pick up the pieces. I know we will in time, cause we always do. We won't simply throw it away because it has a dent in or is slightly broken. No, we will work and allow time to be the healer.
        Same can't be said for the guy that was in my life, I lost him due to the stupidity of alcohol. I mean yeah I liked him, I liked the way he motivated me into doing things, the same way Yazz has that effect on me. I liked the way I could have the closeness of a relationship without the commitment, the way I had someone else to believe in me other then my best friend. And that's the way I wanted it to stay but alcohol knows no boundaries, no fears and no feelings. It goes where no other twat would. Turns you into a attention seeking drama queen, a person you never aspire to be.
        So I spent my last day just you know chilling, relaxing cause I knew I needed to spend some time just you know doing nothing and worrying about nothing before I head back to work. So on yet another day sober me, Marion (an innocent but naughty french girl I work with) and Yazmina headed down to the beach to watch the sunset, of course Fred tagged along this time :). It was lovely you know just actually sat there at sunset when a majority of the people had gone home. I could hear the waves, see the sea almost completely calm after no doubt another hectic day and smell that gorgeous sea air.
      When we finally decided to head back, we all agreed on visiting the pub that I and Marion both work. As you know I'm determined to stop this drinking nonsense, so I done the sensible thing and ordered my self an orange & passion fruit J20. YUMMY! However my yumminess and joy was short lived when I overhead my manager discussing giving  a co-worker a supervisor role that quite frankly shocked me. Anyone who knows me will know I work my arse off at my job. I thought if anyone would have been offered it next it would have to be me. 9 times out of 10 I will always cover. I done feedback cards the company insisted we handed out - which I did and everybody else failed to do. I know the ins and outs of the place.
     So naturally I wasn't going to be quiet the big mouth I am nope. Of course not, I don't let things lie and just niggle at my brain. Things are better said to someones face, rather then to their back. I simply confronted my manager. I kinda exaggerated a tad - I left in fear of making a scene (I don't like drawing unwanted attention to my self sober) and confronted him via text.
     He basically said that they had been asking for it - and to be honest I think I may have lost all last respect I had for the human race. THANK THE LORD FOR FRED. I mean what happened to working your arse of like I do? Even suffering with the biggest headache because of drinking. Nope apparently begging and arse licking is the way forward if you'd like a promotion. Some of you should try it see how you get on. I suppose if I look at this optimistically I could think ahh well this is gonna be easy. No more having to do everyone's cover, oh look and I can just laze around and let other people do the hard work. But I do not want and will not do that.
      I feel completely knocked down but I know I will get back up and brush it off eventually. Ranting on here helps you know. Must say though I feel sorry for the poor sod that reads it ha.
      Anyways maybe I should leave it there. Tomorrow is another day, it will get better again. It always does. Although no doubt working with my manager tomorrow is gonna be both painful and awkward, I'd ring up sick, but would will I hell let any bastard show that they've got me down. Peace out. xx

A day in the life of Fred :)

Just some random pics of fred :)

Fred's first swim

So, yes I'm sad, probably need help.  But I'd rather be a bit crazy and interesting,  then normal and conformed :)

Fun, sun and nature.

       Well yesterday started of relatively easy. I literally woke up had some cereal and a coffee. Obviously with Fred by my side. At first people were abit skeptical of what I was trying to achieve here with Fred, but my best friend Yazminge understands and after alot of convincing so is her mum Julie.
       I haven't been home since Monday afternoon, I needed a break and some much needed time with Yazz. Bless her, she woke up before me and found me cuddling Fred. (Picture below).
     And as most of you know for the first time in like 5 years, we are actually getting a decent summer - about freakin' time! So, naturally me, Yazz and Fred hit the garden for our dose of vitimin D :). A majority of the day was spent chilling, with random snapchats of Fred and his sunburn! I can honestly say, that most people were amused by these. I love creating random pictures with him :) takes my mind of things and trust me that is not a bad thing with me, I overthink and over analyse almost every thought that comes into my head.
         I used to suffer from an anxiety disorder, panic attacks are a massive enemy of mine. Weird thing is I spent ages not drinking cause hangovers used to intensify my anxiety and thoughts. Then drinking more gradually made my panic attacks almost non- exsistent.
         By about five o'clock I found myself having to many thoughts and focusing to much on them. I was wondering what ifs, what if I never done this, what if I never done that? Imagine having these thoughts, but 100x more then you would think about them. I knew that if I didnt stop thinking that I would build up the anxiousness inside me and have a full blown panic attack.
        I couldn't do much with Fred as he was wet and on the washing line - I took him for a swim earlier in the day.  So I did what I like to do best to stop me from thinking - read. I read a majority of a newspaper on my phone , then tried to read a book on feng shui. Which gave me another idea, I shut my self in the conservatory and I tried a variety of yoga and mediation techniques. All the while I could hear the birds singing,  bees still buzzing and I can honestly say that it was the best thing I could of done.
        Me and yazz decided to go for a stroll with out Fred as he was still hanging on the line. Poor Fred. We walked along the beach and just listened to the waves just gently crashing. I love the smell of sea air, I would actually live right on the beach if I could.
        On the way back would you believe we bumped into a man down a rough street, he tried to offer us a bottle of wine. Wasn't even full. I mean urm, seriously? What was he thinking we would just be like yes dude why the hell not? So, being the hypochondriacs we are, we ran as fast as we could. That is the first time I've rejected alcohol since I've made my decision to give it up all together. But let's face it, wasn't exactly a decision that was hard to make, I mean what actual weirdo would accept a half drunk unsealed bottle of wine from a stranger in a street?
         Back to work for a 12 hour shift tomorrow - surrounded by drink, drunks and temptation.
          I know I can do this, especially with little Freddie by my side.

P.S: Add me on instagram Bumbleflea :)

Everyone seems to be moaning about the hot weather we are receiving, yet do nothing but moan before that we are not getting any? Yazminges Grandad told me today, that this weather is what it would be like to be halfway towards heaven. I think this image captures that perfectly, if you look at the bottom cloud you can see a Phoenix :)

Nancy and Fred's journey into soberness.

Hey guys.
     Most of you are going to think I may have a screw or two missing for writing this. But I genuinely think it may help me on my journey. I've always fancied writing a blog and this seems to be the perfect opportunity to do so.
      Right, so I'll start by introducing my self. My name is Nancy. I'm from Portsmouth, south of England. I'm your average 22 year old. I work in a pub (which is probably half the reason I have this problem). I have the uncontrollable urge to binge drink, I have tried to stop a considerable amount of times. But have failed miserably.
      As most people do, I enjoy a drink, however unlike most people I do not know my limits, I hurt people around me, embarrass myself shamelessly and lose trust and friendships. Even though I wake up feeling like an absolute moron and a mouth as dry as ghandis flip flop coupled with the horrible realisation of what little I remember the night before. I still can't control the urge to stop.
      It started around May 2012 - before this I was only drinking average at most three times a month by September/October when I had also decided to call time on my relationship of a year, it had crept up to around 3 times a week. All of spare money I had was being spent on alcohol which really is not good when your on minimum wage.
      So for the last couple of months, I have tried and failed to stop. I keep finding myself in the same situation - trying to avoid drink but finding it all too alluring to resist, which is quite a bitch. Knowing that the next morning I'm going to wake feeling the same way I do everytime - weak and ashamed.
      I lost my dad to alcohol at a young age also working in a pub too. I've seen people perish and the evil effects that it has on people both physically and mentally. You think with all these reasons I would stop but for me it seems like one of those situations I won't stop till my health is in tatters and I lose the people I love the most.
      I have recently gave up smoking and decided to try exercise and eat more healthily to help shift the extra pounds put on due to the horrific amount of calories in alcohol.
       So this is where I introduce Fred the Tee-total Ted. He was 'born' 10th july 2013. I had been trying and failing to win him at work for at least two weeks. When a guy mentioned that he would easily be able to do it for me - and he did :). I instantly became obsessed with fred. And declared that he would help me on my journey to stop drinking (at this point I had stopped for 4 days) however friday morning I misplaced him.
      Now call me crazy but on Saturday I drunk, stupidly. Had an argument with my best friend and with another friend. This left me seriously depressed and magically Fred reappeared (not so much as magic, but hey ho). So I've decided fred will now accompany me everywhere, few people both at work and otherwise think I've actually maybe finally cracked.
     But I think with the help of writing this blog detailing on honest account of my feelings and a detailed account of my life coupled by the humour of Fred that I really can succeed.
      I was planning to run away to scotland for three months hoping that would sort me, but a wise old guy told me that your just putting a plaster over the problem not actually addressing it. Maybe he's going to actually regret that once he finds out about me, Fred and the blog.
      I will make this clear I am quite aware Fred is an inaminate object as much as he is the beholder of my affection. As soon as I set eyes on him, I knew I had to have him and as I took so much effort into having him, it made my obession grow. Yes its childish carrying a teady bear around with me but if you don't like it you can actually bloody lump it. Everyone has an inner child - whether they show it or not. Everyone has that object that brings them comfort in times of need and Fred is mine. Whether he actually survives this journey with me is a different story. Only time and more blogging will tell :)