Hey guys.
Most of you are going to think I may have a screw or two missing for writing this. But I genuinely think it may help me on my journey. I've always fancied writing a blog and this seems to be the perfect opportunity to do so.
Right, so I'll start by introducing my self. My name is Nancy. I'm from Portsmouth, south of England. I'm your average 22 year old. I work in a pub (which is probably half the reason I have this problem). I have the uncontrollable urge to binge drink, I have tried to stop a considerable amount of times. But have failed miserably.
As most people do, I enjoy a drink, however unlike most people I do not know my limits, I hurt people around me, embarrass myself shamelessly and lose trust and friendships. Even though I wake up feeling like an absolute moron and a mouth as dry as ghandis flip flop coupled with the horrible realisation of what little I remember the night before. I still can't control the urge to stop.
It started around May 2012 - before this I was only drinking average at most three times a month by September/October when I had also decided to call time on my relationship of a year, it had crept up to around 3 times a week. All of spare money I had was being spent on alcohol which really is not good when your on minimum wage.
So for the last couple of months, I have tried and failed to stop. I keep finding myself in the same situation - trying to avoid drink but finding it all too alluring to resist, which is quite a bitch. Knowing that the next morning I'm going to wake feeling the same way I do everytime - weak and ashamed.
I lost my dad to alcohol at a young age also working in a pub too. I've seen people perish and the evil effects that it has on people both physically and mentally. You think with all these reasons I would stop but for me it seems like one of those situations I won't stop till my health is in tatters and I lose the people I love the most.
I have recently gave up smoking and decided to try exercise and eat more healthily to help shift the extra pounds put on due to the horrific amount of calories in alcohol.
So this is where I introduce Fred the Tee-total Ted. He was 'born' 10th july 2013. I had been trying and failing to win him at work for at least two weeks. When a guy mentioned that he would easily be able to do it for me - and he did :). I instantly became obsessed with fred. And declared that he would help me on my journey to stop drinking (at this point I had stopped for 4 days) however friday morning I misplaced him.
Now call me crazy but on Saturday I drunk, stupidly. Had an argument with my best friend and with another friend. This left me seriously depressed and magically Fred reappeared (not so much as magic, but hey ho). So I've decided fred will now accompany me everywhere, few people both at work and otherwise think I've actually maybe finally cracked.
But I think with the help of writing this blog detailing on honest account of my feelings and a detailed account of my life coupled by the humour of Fred that I really can succeed.
I was planning to run away to scotland for three months hoping that would sort me, but a wise old guy told me that your just putting a plaster over the problem not actually addressing it. Maybe he's going to actually regret that once he finds out about me, Fred and the blog.
I will make this clear I am quite aware Fred is an inaminate object as much as he is the beholder of my affection. As soon as I set eyes on him, I knew I had to have him and as I took so much effort into having him, it made my obession grow. Yes its childish carrying a teady bear around with me but if you don't like it you can actually bloody lump it. Everyone has an inner child - whether they show it or not. Everyone has that object that brings them comfort in times of need and Fred is mine. Whether he actually survives this journey with me is a different story. Only time and more blogging will tell :)
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